Considering Dry January? Read this.

I'm taking a moment away from travel to share a huge part of my identity with you lovely readers to support all those sober-curious folks out there.

I used to be such a hater when it came to Dry January. As someone who has been sober for more than 12 years and alcohol-free for more than 13, it irked me the way people seemed to want to “try on” a part of my identity for a month, then go right back to drinking how they wanted. The reality is, I was probably jealous. It didn’t seem fair to me that not drinking alcohol for a month was becoming a trend, when I had to cut it from my life for much more serious reasons. I wasn’t jealous in the sense that I wanted to drink too, it was more like “damn, I wonder what it would be like to not drink for a month and then be able to go back to it with a sense of control?”

It may sound dramatic, but I firmly believe that if I were to drink again, it would be the end of my life as I know it. My drinking was cute and fun until it wasn’t, turning into something dark and self-destructive and scaring the shit out of the people closest to me. Removing alcohol from my life was one of the scariest decisions I’ve ever made, yet it turned out to be one of the bravest and most loving thing I’ve done for myself. Being sober has given me a life I never could have imagined, filled with people who loved me until I learned how to love myself.

Now I’m not saying that quitting drinking has to be a complete lifestyle change for you; it can just be something you do one day at a time until January 31. That said, even in 31 days, you are sure to come up against some scenarios you’ve never experienced as a newly minted non-drinker and I’m here to help. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned navigating this world as a sober person.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation

Usually when someone offers you a drink and you order something non-alcoholic, most people don’t bat an eye, but those who may be startled at first quickly get over it. When I get a why don’t you drink anymore? I simply say “I used to drink, but now I don’t.” If I’m feeling a little spicy because someone is too inquisitive, I say I stopped for health reasons. That usually shuts them right up. The bottom line is that “no, thank you” is a full sentence.

Sipping espresso in Rome while everyone around me drinks beer and wine, sober and Beyonce-ready at the Renaissance tour, making new friends in Martha's Vineyard

In social situations, focus on connection

I truly don’t believe that most people understand how much drinking is a part of their lifestyle. Think about it, when’s the last time you went on a date and didn’t have a drink? Watched a sporting event? Attended a concert? Had dinner in a restaurant? Removing this crutch can be jarring and make you feel awkward and uncomfortable, but I promise it’s only temporary. When I attend a social gathering and feel nervous, I look for the one person who seems more uncomfortable than I am and then try to talk to them. Helping to put them at ease gets me out of my own head, lifts my mood and helps me forget all about that desire for “liquid courage”.

Explore new means of relaxation

So many of us are accustomed to having a drink to take the edge off, and LAWD are we about to have a sharp and edgy next four years 😑. Dry January is a wonderful time to explore different activities that feel relaxing to you, especially after a hard day at work or falling into doom scrolling. When I quit drinking, I learned that I loved a quick youtube yoga class to unwind, doing puzzles, journaling, having an impromptu solo dance party, cooking delicious recipes and even cleaning to calm my nerves. I also encourage you to explore the things that don’t fit in the traditional relaxation category. For example, I learned I love ironing to relax! *we listen and we don’t judge*

When traveling, be accountable to yourself

Y’all know I had to bring it back to travel in some way 😏 I’ll be honest, in my first few months of not drinking, traveling was when I felt the weakest. I still find myself longingly looking at an airport bar every once in a while. There was always an allure to being that cool traveler with a glass of wine and a book on a long layover, or even throwing all of my hard earned sobriety out of the window once I got to a new destination. What is it about traveling that makes you want to be a different person?? Anyway, I soon realized this glamorization of drinking while in the skies was dangerous, and I learned to find other ways to occupy my time in the airport and when on a trip. I now bring books, download netflix episodes and listen to audiobooks on long layovers, and before a trip I look up the activities I want to engage in once I get to my destination and remind myself that I don’t want to waste any time being hungover. It did so much for my self-worth to make promises to myself when it came to my sobriety, and be able to keep them no matter where I was in the world.

Alcohol-free birthday celebrations, a night at the ballet with my besties, practicing yoga in Aruba

Find new ways to celebrate

When I was in college, I lived by the phrase “win or lose, we still booze”. Now that I’m sober, I’ve had to learn not only ways to cope with not drinking when I was upset, but also how to redefine what celebration looks like to me. Instead of clinking glasses of champagne, I’m clinking flutes of ginger beer, or doing something completely unrelated to food and drink. I’ve had celebratory nights at the ballet, rounds of Top Golf and trips to the spa with my friends or solo dolo.

Always have an escape plan

When I stopped drinking in 2011, ride shares weren’t really a thing so I quickly learned that when I wanted to go to a party, I needed a way to get back home when I was ready to go. So much of my drinking was tied to boredom, and the last thing I wanted was to feel trapped at a party and end up drinking simply because there was no other way to pass the time. Now I pretty much drive myself everywhere or have uber at the ready when it’s time to bounce.

Delicious mocktails around the world in Cancun; Mexico City; Jasper, Alberta; Honolulu; St. Lucia; and Middleburg, Virginia L to R

Ask for the mocktail menu

That first vacation or trip out to dinner after you quit drinking can be ROUGH. Fortunately, so many restaurants and resorts now offer either zero-proof menus, or two or three mocktails on the cocktail menu for those that don’t drink alcohol. If you’re somewhere that doesn’t offer this, ask your waiter or the bartender if they can whip up a mocktail for you. In my experience, they love the challenge of getting to play with different flavor profiles and you won’t be forced to order from the kiddie menu.

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In conclusion, after being a hater, I’m SO excited for those of you doing Dry January this year. My biggest piece of advice is to look at this next month as an opportunity to add so many wonderful new experiences to your life instead of focusing on what you may be missing. Also know that some of the things you will be missing are: hangovers, anxiety, sluggishness, sleepless nights and hazy memories. You will be gaining: time to do the things you love, health benefits like potentially lower blood sugar, restful sleep and a new sense of curiosity about your own life. You can do this! I’ll be cheering you along the entire way.

If you want to know more about my personal experience with alcoholism, recovery and the effect of alcoholism on Black women, read this.